I am ridiculously proud of this

Dear Mr. Iwata

Here's the thing.  You have never heard of me & I had to google to find out who you were.  It is safe to say we don't have much overlap & I think we are both fine with that.  Except recently I bought a Wii.

A few things you should know about me:  I don't have kids.  I don't like kids, much.  Actually kids are OKay I guess, it's their parents that make me want to...well enough about that.  All you need to know is I did not get the Wii for the kids, I got it for me.  Ditto the Wii Fit.  Then my husband got me a "game"  EA Active as an anniversary gift.  It is a bit lunge-heavy for my taste & I did lose my balance once already & have a really vivid bruise to show for it.  I fell down mostly because I cracked my kneecap in a freak dog walking incident several years ago &...well, never mind about that.

Sidebar here-does EA Active seem like a strange gift?  Well, he once got me a Nordic Track for our anniversary & I fell off it & hurt my shoulder then too, so apparently he is working a list of seemingly benign gifts that I can hurt myself with.  As it happens, the dog of the dog walking incident was also an anniversary gift.  I had not put that together until just now.

After EA Active turned out to be not-so-much a game, my husband got me Tetris.  He was disgusted with the really really bad navigation design.  The keys were all scrambled (push the up key to go down, seriously?), but they made me nostalgic.  I remember the very first Tetris with Red Square in the background & those oh-so-poorly translated directions.  The whole thing reminded me of my favorite NewsRadio episode when Mr. James's memoir is not such a big seller in the States but hugely popular in Japan, so he decides to have the Japanese translation translated back to English & re-release it.  After all, it worked for VCR instructions.  That was a great show.

All of this leads me to my first request:  Frogger.  We would like a Frogger for the Wii.  & by "we" I mean everyone I have mentioned this to & double for A*****. 

Next, we would like a celebrity workout game.  & by "we" I mean me.  I know there are dime-a-dozen celebrity workout videos out there, but "we" actually want something a little different.  For example, you know that hula-hoop thing in Wii Fit?  We were hoping Kirstie Alley could do that.  & for the rhythm Kung Fu, maybe James Gandolfini.  They don't all need to be as out of shape as I am, of course.  I mean WE are.  Valerie Bertinelli is looking good these days.  So is Betty White, for that matter.   I admit Hot In Cleveland has been a huge hit in my house.  Did you see last week when Betty White broke off her engagement to Carl Reiner because he wouldn't go downtown?  I'm still laughing.

Other celebrities we would like to see in this workout game: John Stewart, Stephen Colbert & what the hell Rush Limbaugh, since we have Betty White already on the list throw in Mary Tyler Moore & Cloris Leachman, I know for a fact the rehab unit at the place my in-laws live is looking into getting a Wii Fit & Dick van Dyke would make them very happy.

I hope I have given you some food for thought Mr. Iwata.  & I hope you won't look a gift demographic in the mouth.

Mii, myself & I

Sunday will be the fourth week I have been a WiiFit junkie.  I love everything about that silly toy & I am kicking myself for not buying one sooner.  Ever since it arrived, I get out of bed, I have my coffee & I weigh in.  I warm up with something light, I do stretches & I do yoga before getting on the elliptical (an actual elliptical, alas Wii has no such machine tie in or I would own it).  After the elliptical interruption I get back on that board for another 45 minutes or so.  I am addicted & mostly it is a good thing.

You should know that I have never been one of those exercise people.  I have taken a few classes, mostly of the Pilates variety (I am unbalanced, no really) because I am more interested in what a fit body can do (stay on a horse, for example) than what it looks like.  A flat stomach would be truly wasted on me & good thing , too, because it is never going to happen. 

I am also not temperamentally suited to public work-out environments.  I listen to books on disc when I ride, often deliberately choosing books I dislike; they make me so angry & I work harder.  This also means I shout things like "you stupid, stupid whore" or "do the f*cking math, asshole" which can be alarming to the people around me.

Finally, I really only have two speeds:  I don't want to be here & let's get this over with.  V** refers to my exercise personality as Crazy Chihuahua & more than once I have looked up to see A laughing at me.  So you can see how the stay-at-home Wii is a win:win.

Today I discovered the Wii's big drawback.  It seems all this cavalier careening off of cliffs, only to magically reappear safe & sound has had a negative effect in my driving.   I am singing along with the radio "oh I tried to make it Sunday but I got so damn depressed" -there is no radio in this town- & I find myself drifting across the lanes.  Whoops!  Apparently I need a cartoon-a-scape & maybe a clown car across my windshield just to keep things interesting.

"You Are Out"

First, let me say my Project Runway viewing has been quite spotty the last few seasons.  I am never good with programs that need to be watched in order.  I think this stems from the olden days when I traveled just-a-bit & could never figure out which time zone I was in & what channel the program I wanted to watch was on & if you do not know where you are, WHEN you are, what you are is kind of screwed when it comes to getting episodes in order.  So:  I have never seen a single episode of Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, etc.

Still somehow I usually know who is who.  Once a week/month give-or-take I get allergy shots & then I have to hang around for 45 minutes & since I am not interested in planning my Florida Wedding & I know I look like a fool fighting with the kids for the puzzles in Scholastic, I read a lot of People.  & US Weekly.  & so forth.  It turns out that really is as close as I want to get to many of these programs, even now when I do know where/when I am.

All that being said, I used to make an effort for Project Runway.  & then I stopped, no reason, really just got busy & couldn't figure out who was who & never really jumped back in.  The last thing I remember thinking was I wish that little upstart would stop saying "fierce".  Flash forward to the middle of last month when I learned there was a Project Runway game for Wii.  Well.  That was something.  Yes, they go on to say it is kind of "meh" BUT I have paid that much to get into movies that made me sick to my stomach & not in an intellectual way.  As for what they say it takes to make it good:  alcohol & friends with no personal boundaries, that I have.

The last time we Wiied, A***** & A (he really is a good sport) boxed while me & M****** worked our way through a family size bottle of Pinot Grigio.  After several close rounds, A***** won, A said he was robbed (good sport, not great sport) & A***** went out & bought her own Wii.

Yesterday, my poor husband had to be in Tampa (we will make him play next time), so it was just us three.  & the dog, all of the dogs, of course but there is the one...  Have I told the story of Farley-Boy during Wii?  He gets very excited & would run around barking except he is quite elderly so he stands there shifting from foot to foot barking & if you get close enough, he bites you in the tush.  It adds an unexpected element to Wii tennis  Also, now when I invite people over to Wii, I have to ask if they have had their shots.

Last night, we popped the champagne (it was left over from C*****'s 21st b.day toast) & opened the door to my new addiction: Project Runway for Wii.  Everything the Fug Girls said is absolutely true.  But they left out how much fun being complete fools with a high tech version of paper dolls can be, because it was too much fun.  & not just because of the champagne.  A got home in time to take some very incriminating pictures & A***** took the disc home for the rest of the week to work on her skills.