World Hijab yesterDay

The pun was not lost on me when I realized this morning that yesterday had been World Hijab Day.  I freely admit that I DO consider the hijab a bit backward NOT because it is muslim, but because when it is required, those requiring it usually endorse backward ideas, such as not educating women.  Or anyone, for that matter.

& yes I get that this falls into that fine line category.   I know people (well person) who wears a hijab.  She feels very strongly that it makes her safer; that it is actually liberating.  She doesn't find anything strange about this.  What I hear is I carry mace because it is liberating.  Yes, maybe you are safer (maybe not), but isn't this also a sign there is something wrong with the bigger picture?  S***** insists that a hijab is about modesty.  So is pretending you don't know the answer in math class & never raising your hand.  Modest, yup.  The best idea you ever had, not so much.  I don't get it & I don't think I ever will. 

Just so no one feels picked on, let me tell this little story.  I have regular contact with a group of orthodox jews (a family group, as it happens).  No, the women don't wear hijab BUT when a woman gets married she often removes her hair, sometimes just what is visible to the world or sometimes all of it (I have no idea who decides to do which or why, I just know sisters who attend the same temple who have made different decisions).  After that, the orthodox jewish wife wears a wig for the rest of her life.  Even if she gets divorced, even if she is widowed, her hair is never to be seen in public again. 

Again this is a modesty thing.  OKay fine.  Then explain this:  why oh why oh why do they ALL wear wigs that are several shades lighter than their natural hair?  I asked this question & was told because it is prettier, of course.  Uhm...what?  They cannot tell me why their own hair, chemically treated wouldn't be kind of like a wig.  I mean, no one would be looking at their actual, natural hair, right?  Could they have their own hair made into a wig & wear that? 

I should probably stop at this point & mention that I am a natural blonde.  I am 47 years old & my hair gets a bit darker every year & I am still plenty blonde.  After a bit of my questioning these cousins are usually laughing their wigs off.  They are convinced, every last one of them, that I don't understand because I am already blonde.  Maybe they are right & maybe I don't.  But it sure does shoot holes in that modesty argument.  Invariably one historical truth keeps coming up in these conversations: in ancient Rome prostitutes were required to wear blonde wigs so everyone would know what they were. 

So I won't be wearing a hijab, & I wouldn't even if it still was World Hijab Day.  It doesn't matter much here anyhow; we live so close to a major medical center that women wearing hijab-like head scarves don't mean a thing except they don't want to get their chemo-bald heads sunburned.  Also I imagine they get cold.  Wearing hijab just wouldn't be the same experience. But the reason I won't be wearing one is I believe a modesty that requires you to not even have the option to show your uncovered head because some guy might lose control is a false modesty of the worst kind. 

Today of course is Groundhog Day.  I have no idea if he saw his shadow or not.  Want to know why?   I get weather predictions from the Weather Channel.

Running with the girls

I am a 36 C.  Not small, but not big really.  Just enough to be very uncomfortable during anything bouncy; when I go horse back riding I wear not one but two high impact sports bras.  That's in Florida heat, on top of a sweaty horse.  Believe me, I wish there was a better choice.  Turns out, there is.

Flash forward to my 47th birthday when I decided I was going to run a 5k later this year.  I started by walking away from home for 30 minutes & then walking back along the same route (one of my goals throughout this has been to take no more than an hour a day for this & mostly that has been do-able).  By the second week, I was ready to do one minute run/one minute walk intervals.  That first time was brutal.  I had only a moderate impact bra that fit comfortably & it was far from adequate.

Once I got home I had the struggle that is getting out of a heavy-duty, strap-them-down-like-a-bullet-proof-vest style bra.  I tried to avoid looking at myself in the mirror during the whole thing.  More than once I have come in from the barn & needed A's help to pull one of those things over my head (seriously, if it gets twisted under one arm & pins the other, you are screwed); trying to pull two off, one over the other is quite the operation.  One wrong move & you are trapped in a sequence that looks more like a snake regurgitating a belly dancer than anything else.  It feels like that, too.

Later that same day, I trucked down to Sports Authority & against my nature plonked down $30 for a new high impact bra.  It is also a zip-front bra, a style I have seen of course but always thought was too stoopid to be worth the extra $$; I only got it this time because it was on a clearance rack & marked down (that's right, marked down to $30).  When this thing is on it makes me look flat-chested, except for the strange ridge that is the zipper itself. 

So the next day, I put it on & went for my intervals.  Let's just say it was not until I got all the way to the last set that I remember I had ever been bothered by bounce bounce bounce.  This gave me more opportunity to concentrate on all the other things I hate about running, but still an improvement.  When I got home & ready to shower, zzzzzzzzzzzzzip & I was free.

Since then I have gathered up all the old style, zipper free sports bras & sent them off into the world.  I have no idea if Goodwill sells slightly (too slightly) used sports bras, but there they went.  I wore & washed that first zip-front bra every day for a couple weeks until I found them (much cheaper) on-line.  I would have paid full price at Sports Authority but they have a policy against stocking anything that might sell well; I know this because I asked the cashier if this was the case & she said it does sometimes seem like that yes.

The 20 minute mile

I started intervals (1 minute run, 1 minute walk) about 8 weeks ago.   As of this morning, I am up to 2 miles a day & by this time next month, it will be at least 3; my goal being to run a 5k (3.1 miles) later this year.  It will come as a surprise to no one who has ever started this sort of thing that when I first started I was walking/running about 1 mile & it took more or less the same amount of time it takes today: 45 or so minutes door to door.

During this training I have learned a few things, not the least of which is while I don't exactly feel better, I certainly don't feel worse-joint pain & muscle ache wise.  Every book I have read tells me this means I am scaling up exactly right.  A was telling me I should be "a bit more ambitious".  The last time he said this to me he was running from side to side in front of me, trying to get me to pick up speed.  He hasn't run with me since because he hurt his knee.

There is also a lot of new gear on the market since the last time I did anything like this &, not surprisingly, most of it is crap & some is so wonderful I don't know how I lived without it.  Naturally, if you were to start running with me, you would feel the same way, but probably about different things.  For example, shoe technology has passed me by.  It turns out I have ALWAYS run in the barefoot style (while wearing sneakers, conflicted I know) even when someone was trying to correct me.  As a result, high tech cushioning or impact absorbing treads are make a negligible difference to me.  I realize I am in the minority; too many runners will talk for too long about what shoes they had when they ran which course.

One new thing that I mocked (MOCKED) was the zip-front sports bra.  What a ridiculous notion.  That Ice Loves Coco is dominated by this particular wardrobe item did not add to its cache as far as I was concerned.  But I had to buy a new bra & the only one on the clearance rack that met other requirements (size, high impact) happened to be a zip-front style & since I could not bring myself to pay full-price for a different style...  To make a long story short, if you have ever been sweaty & sore & become entangled while trying to get out of your sports bra, zip-front is the way to go. 

Next week, I start with my new super skin tight leggings.  Not because I am getting chills or even chafed, but because all the sunblock on the market is not keeping me from getting burned.  I will let you know how it goes.

"You Are Out"

First, let me say my Project Runway viewing has been quite spotty the last few seasons.  I am never good with programs that need to be watched in order.  I think this stems from the olden days when I traveled just-a-bit & could never figure out which time zone I was in & what channel the program I wanted to watch was on & if you do not know where you are, WHEN you are, what you are is kind of screwed when it comes to getting episodes in order.  So:  I have never seen a single episode of Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, etc.

Still somehow I usually know who is who.  Once a week/month give-or-take I get allergy shots & then I have to hang around for 45 minutes & since I am not interested in planning my Florida Wedding & I know I look like a fool fighting with the kids for the puzzles in Scholastic, I read a lot of People.  & US Weekly.  & so forth.  It turns out that really is as close as I want to get to many of these programs, even now when I do know where/when I am.

All that being said, I used to make an effort for Project Runway.  & then I stopped, no reason, really just got busy & couldn't figure out who was who & never really jumped back in.  The last thing I remember thinking was I wish that little upstart would stop saying "fierce".  Flash forward to the middle of last month when I learned there was a Project Runway game for Wii.  Well.  That was something.  Yes, they go on to say it is kind of "meh" BUT I have paid that much to get into movies that made me sick to my stomach & not in an intellectual way.  As for what they say it takes to make it good:  alcohol & friends with no personal boundaries, that I have.

The last time we Wiied, A***** & A (he really is a good sport) boxed while me & M****** worked our way through a family size bottle of Pinot Grigio.  After several close rounds, A***** won, A said he was robbed (good sport, not great sport) & A***** went out & bought her own Wii.

Yesterday, my poor husband had to be in Tampa (we will make him play next time), so it was just us three.  & the dog, all of the dogs, of course but there is the one...  Have I told the story of Farley-Boy during Wii?  He gets very excited & would run around barking except he is quite elderly so he stands there shifting from foot to foot barking & if you get close enough, he bites you in the tush.  It adds an unexpected element to Wii tennis  Also, now when I invite people over to Wii, I have to ask if they have had their shots.

Last night, we popped the champagne (it was left over from C*****'s 21st b.day toast) & opened the door to my new addiction: Project Runway for Wii.  Everything the Fug Girls said is absolutely true.  But they left out how much fun being complete fools with a high tech version of paper dolls can be, because it was too much fun.  & not just because of the champagne.  A got home in time to take some very incriminating pictures & A***** took the disc home for the rest of the week to work on her skills.

National Library Week

Maybe you know, maybe you don't but this is National Library Week.  Read a book, people!

I am always interested to see who the ALA is featuring during this most sacred of weeks.  I still have my  Rebecca Lobo Reads The Giving Tree poster somewhere.  & of course, who could forget LLCoolJ posing with The Children's Health Food Book.  Trust me, now that you do know there is such a poster, you will not forget for a good long while.

But these were two of many spokes people for the Celebrity Read poster series.  & I want to talk about this years National Library Week honorary chair, Neil Gaiman.  He has actually come up in this blog before but never by name (so don't bother to search).  In part because he wrote the book The Graveyard Book that I keep suggesting to my bookclub & they keep just not going for.

He also wrote Coraline, which was made into a movie, which I tried to watch in 3-D, despite V** telling me I shouldn't do that because 3-D movies make me queasy, which they do.  Can you imagine forgetting such a thing?  Well I did.  Forget, that is.  So I did not much enjoy Coraline, but your experience  will not be mine.  & of course he wrote the book Stardust, which I loved, the movie of which is on one of my all-time favorite Netflix lists:  movies not about cross-dressers but having them nonetheless.  All of this is the tip of the iceberg, really, as far as what Neil Gaiman has written.  He has written so much, it is surprising he ever gets out, but gets out he does.

Earlier this year he was caught in a red carpet panorama at the Oscars.  He's the one staring at footprints on the train of the gown before him.  I think he says he is almost sure they are not his footprints.  But my favorite Neil Gaiman moment is definitely this one.  Yes, it is another fashionista photo op, in which he looks amused & if not lost, certainly not vested in the majesty of the moment.

So thank you, Neil Gaiman for a quick tour of where a writer can go & still manage not to be recognized by photographers until they are going through their pictures for the second/third time.  & thank you, librarians because without you I would never have heard of this guy.  In honor of your week I am going to check out some books, & maybe a few movies every few days for, lets say the rest of my life.

What would Nancy do?

I see the stickers everywhere, What Would Jesus do? Who would Jesus bomb? & so forth. & the answers are always so obvious (turn the other cheek; he died before the trebuchet even, so I don't think it ever came up), I wonder that they bother.

I want the bumpersticker What would Nancy do? & yes, I do mean Nancy Drew. I remember when I first met Nancy. If I saved enough Cheerios box tops I could apply them to a copy of her latest adventure (The Secret of Mirror Bay if you are curious). We have been tight ever since. & I am not alone. Nancy consistently appears on popular book lists, for young girls made by young girls as well as what many of our most dynamic women leaders were reading when they were young girls. She is also consistently reviled, & mixed reviews are always my favorite.

Nancy always does the right thing, even if it does not seem to make any sense at the time. She is pursuing suspects & realizes the route they are taking conveniently passes a restaurant she has always wanted to try. She stops for lunch (seems counter productive, does it not). Guess who ALSO stopped for lunch.

Nancy is adaptable & practical. She is (now) famous for her strawberry blonde hair, but that was not her original color. A printer's error changed it on the cover of the 4th (I think) book & so she changed it going forward. & backward, too in the reprints.

Closest to my heart, Nancy accessorizes like no one anyone has ever heard of. Besides the right dress, shoes, bag, convertible, friends, dog, etc. she has her own key making machine right there at home (or maybe her friend does; Nancy always knows the right people). & travels with random & yet ultimately just-the-right thing for whatever life presents. I have a pretty big purse & I have a lot of crap in there & every piece of crap is used every day I carry that bag but at least once a day I look into my purse & I know that if Nancy were with me she would would have that magnifying glass/police whistle/coupon for 40% off my next framing order that was the whole reason I left the house. I remembered the picture but forgot the coupon. This never happens to Nancy.

I am a little worried Nancy might be too smart for us, actually. People talk Talk TALK about Barbie raising unrealistic expectations in young girls. Or Snow White. But no one ever points a finger at Nancy. Unrealistic body images are bad, but an achievable lithe, trim figure if you have the right genes & take up tennis/show riding/ski jumping/tap dancing (doubly useful if you know Morse Code) is OKay.

Even more important, you have to be smarter than everyone else, especially the boys & never let on that you are. Or at least wait until you do not need them anymore. Sure I can do it, but is that really fair on the rest of you. Yes I have conveniently forgotten I forgot that coupon. Or ever lost my keys. Nancy has that affect on me: she inspires me to be better than I am by believing I am better than I am.

//A special thanks to Jennifer Worick who wrote Nancy Drew's Guide to Life & my sister who gave it to me several years ago. I still have it in my purse & yes, I consult it every day, almost, along with the collection of Poems by John Donne (very useful for testing your memory in long grocery lines, I know Nancy would approve). I consoled myself with it when I could not find my keys; Nancy could have found my keys.

Whatever happened to Elsa Klensch?

Back when I had a real job, that is a job that required me to be somewhere accountable during ordinary business hours & usually well past them, my only reason for getting out of bed on a Saturday was Style with Else Klensch. Then one Saturday she just was not there anymore. I weakly searched for her but being able to sleep in on Saturdays eventually won out & I have not thought of her from that day to this.

It turns out, Else Klensch has been writing a mystery series. What are the books about? I have no earthly clue. Mysteries I suppose. With style. I am sure there was more to it than that. Sex & the City was barely a twinkle in the eye when Elsa went off CNN but I can picture the scene: A dim blue light is cast across the junior associate producers desk. Elsa Klensch enters stage right. The junior associate producer does not have the decency to make eye contact.

JAP: It's like this, Elsie...
EK: Miss Klensch, if you please.
JAP: Right. It's like this. We don't need to get people out of bed early on Saturdays to see fashion-type's nipples anymore,. There's this new HBO program gonna do it in prime time.

Then Elsa Klensch stabs him repeatedly with her shoe blade (you KNOW she has one), the junior associate producer slumps over his desk & the lights dim. I think this murder is probably what inspired her to start writing them.

Ms. Klensch is not the first person to retire to a mystery-series. I am told the books by Harley Jane Kozak are actually quite good. Also, if you have not seen The Favor, undiced by commercials on Comedy Central, it really is funny. Then Marion Chesney had not-quite retired from Regency Romances & began writing Hamish MacBeth & Agatha Raisin. Even Anne Perry had a short career as a murderer herself before she started writing mysteries.

I am thinking of writing my own mystery series. An unemployed fixed asset consultant solves crimes that are not really there... I think I may need to work on my noir, just a bit.

But back to Style with Else Klensch. I find that I miss it. Red carpet shows are just not nearly crazy enough (no, really, they are NOT). Ms. Klensch used to give us this season's leather & knitwear from Milan in the same episode as the influence of Japanese water gardening on the pop music scene & how this filtered into the latest wedding gowns. Seriously. I mean seriously that is what she did & I also mean she took herself very seriously.

I can see why she & CNN stopped being a good fit. No matter what she covered, Ms. Klensch made sure we knew that it was very important & never trivialized even the silliest of trends (she faithfully reported on the annual return of chaps; they have not appeared on any red carpets since the Red Hot Chili Peppers &/or David Lee Roth attended an award show & maybe even longer).

Now all news programs seem to flatten even the major news stories. Like it or not, some pieces information are more important than others & playing them all together in the same endless loop minimizes the value of everything.

Glamour don't

It will surprise no one that I often go to downtown N******* wearing sweatpants, sweatshirt & maybe nothing else. Shoes I suppose, but that really is it. This is because I like to get to the feed store before most people have finished their chores. The wait is shorter, also all the parking is on-street & I cannot parallel park to save my own life.

So I roll out bed, brush my teeth but not my hair & head into town. Every time I am guaranteed to encounter at least one person worse off than I am. Once time I met a distant neighbor who had stopped to get feed on her way home. That is she wass having a morning-after-the-night-before & thought to herself "I need animal feed. I shall get it right now". While she did remember her errand, she did not remember her shirt & we all had a farmers-wife-meets-Madonna-circa-1982 morning. I later learned this was not the first time & I also know it was not the last. I thought everyone seemed pretty calm, if a bit smiley while they loaded up her truck.

Earlier this year I accidentally joined a McCain/Palin rally in this manner. I pulled through the one stop-light in town but could not get past the gun store becasue the rally was in the parking lot (I really do not have to make this stuff up). In the end I had to wind my way through the neighborhood behind the main street & park more than a block away.

So there I was wearing my usual uniform: filthy garden clogs; sweatpants with reflective striping (a la the local prison system, but that is not where I get them, honest); a sweatshirt on which I had spilled my own special cocktail of fish oil & turpentine, a paste commonly used to treat white line in equine hooves. This magic elixir never really washes out, but several tratments with bleach will take the edge off of the smell. All around me were smiling happy famlies with "NObama" signs strapped to their strollers. They were all clean & pressed, dresses hats & gloves, I kid you not, for some of the older ladies, ties for most of the men.

I made my way to the feed store & there, waiting in line were two other people, total strangers dressed almost exactly like me (cowboy boots instead of clogs), sporting that same fresh-from-the-farrier smell. I wish I had a picture so I could put that black box over our eyes.

Michelle Obama

I should be embarrassed to admit it, but I am learning that one of my favorite things about Obama-watching is wondering what Michelle is going to wear this time. & I really truly hope she resists whatever cookie-cutter stylist Hilary went to just before she cut off all her hair.

& that brings me to: Sarah Jessica Parker et al. For years we (me, A, others I am sure) watched Sex In The City & asked ourselves "What the HELL is she wearing?" I get that it is supposed to be cutting edge NY fashionista etc. Fine. But feathers? Really? After Labor Day? The show had long-gone from HBO when I finally did get it: it is supposed to be a fantasy & that is what women fantasize about. This business of living with a physicist & working with oilmen, lawmen & cowboys has meant that I was apart from all female contact for more than a decade. I am still relearning the culture.

In my world, the women either dress exactly like men (& by that I mean they are also commando in jeans & flannel shirts) OR they are reinterpreting men's business fashion through the filter of a lesbian undertaker. On the periphery are the female students; they were a mystery to me when I was a female student & have not gotten any clearer since. I do not care how cute your ass is, an ace bandage is not a dress.

& now there is Michelle Obama. I think I might have found my new fashion guru. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but she has a certain something. I especially liked the red dress with the black that sort of wrapped around...do you know it? Actually, it was only in Googling a picture of the dress for this post I learned that other people HAVE noticed her clothing. & the response has been my absolute favorite kind: mixed.

I have found her just in time, because I think I might be too old to continue dressing like Eleanor Roosevelt. Well, maybe not just yet.