Friday, November 6, 2009

The women who stare at chickens

I have tried to read The Men Who Stare at Goats, I really tried.  But it is just too close to Joyce's stream of consciousness style for me to be able to stick with it.  It is like that scene in Ghostbusters where you must not cross the streams would be bad.

Once upon a time & a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...  Callie says the dairy barn adds a new ice cream flavor every semester but they almost never keep them through the next semester. 
His father told him that story: his father looked at him through a glass; his father had a hairy face.  Whatever is left after finals they sell but they never make any more.
He was baby tuckoo.  The moocow came down the road where Betty Byrne lived: wasn't Betty Byrne one of those lady pirates?  Or was that was Mary Kelly?  No, Mary Kelly was on of the Jack the Ripper's victims.  She sold lemon platt.  Wait, what?

You can see how this would lead to a very different understanding of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man than my classmates, making my exams answers a bit off.  I still maintain that mine were more Joycean.

I can actually see how goat-watching would make you think you are accomplishing something.  After almost a decade of staring at chickens I am almost certain I can direct their actions, except when they resist me.  Which they often do,  Stoopid chickens.

A would like to see the MWSAG movie at the theaters but alas it is playing at the bad theater.  This theater used to have - & may still, I would not know - a baby gets in free policy.  That's right, so long as the baby is small enough to sit on your lap, you do not need to pay anything for baby's ticket.  Because everyone knows that the most disruptive thing a baby can do in a movie theater is take up space.

By & large it was the later movies that were a problem.  People seem more likely to bring their babies to movies after 8pm.  Which is interesting because that is the date-movie market.  I have a theory that this is why people are not getting married anymore.  Think about it, you meet someone interesting, you go to a movie, there are babies taking up all that seating & after the movie all you can talk about is....all those babies.  Neither of you remembers much of the movie.  There was a time when you actually had to HAVE a baby for baby talk to dominate an otherwise baby-free after-movie conversation.

The only way this date ends well is if both of you vow to never have any babies.  I suppose it would also be OKay if you both agreed to bring your future babies to the movies because it was such a rollicking good time, but I have never heard of that happening.  Usually one of you says "all babies must die" or the slightly more reasonable "all parents must die" & the other says  "not all parents are like that; you are judging all parents based on a self-selected group & that is not fair".  If you are still going to movies-on-a-date, you are way too early in the process for the That's Not Fair defense & well, it is a relationship killer, every time.

So, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, chickens.  I like to watch chickens.

1 comment:

  1. I saw "Men Who Stare at Goats" last night, and I have to say I was disappointed. Clooney did what Clooney is good at; and MacGregor surprised me with his American accent. The movie was convoluted and trippy, and (speaking as a former military serviceperson, myself) I find the whole concept "highly suspect." I venture a guess I'd have problems reading it too. I'm just glad I only invested about 2 hours to view the movie. Lord only knows how long I would've spent reading before realizing how odd the story is.