What would Donald do?

Donald Sinclair was one of the more beloved characters in 20th century literature.  His business partner wrote a series of short stories about his own life, which was closely entwined with that of Sinclair.  Those stories became books, the books became a movie & the movie grew to become one of the most successful book2television adaptations, well, ever.

& one of the highlights of the books & the programs was the author's interactions with Sinclair himself.  The man was famously eccentric & generous & much beloved.  Sinclair was so insulted he considered this characterization the biggest test of their friendship, but he did manage to put it behind him insisting that the writing was exaggerated.  Others however, including the author's son (who later joined the same firm, so in addition to knowing Sinclair all of his life, he was able to interact with Sinclair much as his father had), said that the character was toned down because Sinclair was so extreme he would not have been believable.  In a different sort of twist, Sinclair became good friends with the actor who portrayed him, despite his belief that the portrayal was over the top. 

Sinclair was born today in 1911.  Like I said, he had a career, was made famous by his business partner's literary portrayal of him, but other wise lived if not a quiet ordinary life, certainly a life without fanfare.  His first wife died, something not particular well known as it happened before his famous partnership, but he & his second wife were married for more than 50 years.   He tried to become a pilot in World War II, but through a series of...you know what, it doesn't really matter why, he never did.  Because his profession in private life was considered vital to the stability of the country, he was returned home without seeing combat. 

His younger brother, also a "character" died about four years before Sinclair did, then that same business partner died & less than four months later his wife died.  Two weeks after that, Donald Sinclair deliberately overdosed.  He was 84 years old. 

What did Donald do?  He gave us the gift of himself, warts & all.  We know him as Siegfried Farnon. 

You don't belong here

Like many people, I have been watching the pre-Boson Marathon coverage for the past couple days.  I have also been cough-Cough-COUGHING which I alternate with bouts of lying around moaning & while it would be an exaggeration to say I have been watching a lot of tv, the box has certainly been on.  That's right, I'm sick.  So sick, I missed the Friends of the Library book sale, the open house at the native rose nursery & C******'s birthday.  No books, no plants, & no cake. 

While in my weakened state, I began to notice a common thread through some of the people-stories that have been airing lately.  So without further ado, here it is, my list of recently-brought-to-my-attention illegal aliens...undocumented non-citizens....whatever you want to call them. 

Lets start small, with one of my favorites.  Pamela Anderson.  Oh sure, she is legal now, but when she first came here she wasn't.  She was spotted by a person who spots potential Playboy Playmates (that cannot be the real job title, I hope) & invited her to the US for a photo shoot but didn't go to the trouble of securing a work visa.  Anderson was stopped at the border, searched -seriously, searched- & the letter asking her to come work in the US (yes, what she does...did, is working) & was turned away.  In the end, of course, the paperwork was filed, Anderson did come here & take that job away from some other hard working American & the rest is history.  Except for the part about her being illegal, because while she tried to be an illegal alien, she got caught at the border.  Really.

The entertainment industry also gives us Charlize Theron who was doing OKay here illegally, until she started to get noticed professionally & then got booted & had to work her way back through channels. 

Who could forget Arnold Schwarzenegger used to be illegal?  Pretty much everyone as it happens.   Schwarzenegger came here on a strict no-employment-type visa.  & then found a job, collected a salary & never paid taxes on any of it, not even when he came clean to run for governor.

One of the more infamous illegals was Angel Reséndiz, better known as the Railroad Killer.  We left Houston in August 1998; he arrived in December of that same year.  Also, we lived near a railroad track, so I am delighted to have missed him.  On the other hand we had then, & still have, what I consider to be an excellent crime deterrent:  big, barky dogs.

& last but not least, the man who probably should have been at the top of the list Carlos Arredondo, legal name Alexander Arredondo.  Arredondo did not become a legal citizen of this country until after one of his sons had been killed in combat, through a provision allowing parents of service members killed in combat to apply for citizenship.  At that point, he had been in this country for more than 20 years.  Since becoming a legal citizen, Arredondo has been very active protesting policies he does not agree with, including the war that killed the son that allowed him to become a citizen.  Last year around this time, he was doing just that when a bomb went off at the Boston Marathon & Arredondo became one third of one of the most iconic photographs of that day; he is the one in the cowboy hat.

Living in Florida, I might be more up close & personal with former aliens than most Americans (I married a former legal alien 20 years ago, long before I ever imagined I would live here & long after he was naturalized).  For starters, there are two important people in my wider-life that would not be in it if it were not for the Mariel boatlift.  One came over then & one was born here a year+ later, that's right an anchor baby.  So maybe we are more used to aliens.  On the other hand, V** has been living with her boyfriend for a good long while.  Every so often she is asked why they haven't gotten married, doesn't he want citizenship?  He is Puerto Rican.  Puerto Ricans have been officially recognized citizens of the US since 1917, longer than Hawaiians, longer than Alaskans.  Yes, yes white Alaskans were recognized as citizens in 1867, but Native Americans were not until...I couldn't find the date actually but it must have happened by now, right? 

Yesterday was one of our most well-known American citizen days:  Tax Day.  It was also the first day of Passover. In off-man-made-calendar news, there was a full moon & a lunar eclipse.  Today is just plain old April 16th.

Fauvism: an early 20th century art movement marked by bold shapes, vivid colors & distorted forms

The word for the day on the word of the day type twitter account I am hooked on was FAUVISM.  Not today, a week or more ago-I've been busy.

I don't think I had ever heard this word before which is just plain sad because I LOVE this word.  Fauvism is...was an art movement, a painting movement really marked by bold shapes & colors, often distorted.  I can think of quite a few paintings that are clearly in this...genre?  Jasper Johns has always been a huge favorite of mine & I thought that was what I was looking at:  Fauvism.  If you are willing to take that leap, maybe you can take this one:  the idea of  African-American quilts being Fauvist.

If you know anything about art history you know I was way off; that is not Fauvism at all.  This is what happens when you start trying to describe not-word things with words only.  Fauvism was almost entirely French & not really all that abstract (when the dictionary says "distorted forms" those forms are still identifiable).  The biggest name in Fauvism is Matisse.  It turns out Fauvism is NOT the word for what I like, although I like Matisse et al plenty. 

This whole business put me in mind of one of my favorite episodes of one of my favorite shows.  The show was News Radio & wow do I miss it!  The episode was "Super Karate Monkey Death Car".  Let me give it to you in a nutshell: the wealthy eccentric owner of a news radio station (among other things) had written an autobiography that did not sell so well in the US but killed in Japan.  So he decides to take the Japanese translation & translate it back to English.  The book reading scene, the first time he actually reads his new autobiography, is a gift to the world.  Seriously there is almost no slump so slumpy this clip cannot shake me out of.

That's it, that's all I've got.  Except I guess I can start calling the art I like, marked by bold shapes, vivid colors & distorted forms Not-Fauvism.  Because that's not confusing. 

About big brothers

Let me begin by saying I have never watched an episode of "Big Brother".  I have never watched any of the not-suitable-for-prime-time videos that are available on-line either.  I could not tell you the name of a single "Big Brother" contestant on any incarnation of "Big Brother", past or present.  I am fairly confident that even if there should be a new season of "Big Brother" from now until the year after I die, this will always ring true (although I suppose it is possible one of them runs for office somewhere, then I will probably hear about it).

That being said: What The Hell Are Those People Smoking?  The last time I heard, not one, not two, but three contestants (on a how many contestant show-unless it is more than 30 we are looking at a 10% sample here) are looking forward to no job when they get out.  Actually, they are not looking forward to it as I understand they have zero contact with the outside world & don't know they have already been canned.

It turns out that if you isolate a bunch of people with other similar-minded people, you end up with a bunch of people who have, like water seeking its own level, sunk to the lowest common point.  I wonder if we could take a giant step back & maybe apply this to other groups of like-minded people who deliberately cut themselves off from everyone who is not-like & then start misbehaving.  Perhaps a group of people, who when caught behaving badly say things like: 

I made offhand remarks about killing that religious leader & cannot believe my entourage took me seriously.

So sorry we burned your mother, grand-mother, etc. as a witch.  We really thought she must be one because those teenage girls said so.

Of course we want jews to buy our cars, I just meant we want people who hate jews to buy them, too.

Couldn't we go back to the way it was before we picked that fight with you & got our asses handed to us on a plate?

& the immortal, unforgivable: Bring It On.

Maybe when you find too many people agreeing with you, it is time to take your opinions on the road.  Just a thought.

& for my final say on the matter, let me take you to the ONLY Big Brother worth looking for on YouTube. 

A break

This morning I woke up after a mildly rainy/very windy night & this was the view down the driveway:

So what else to say? We have a chainsaw.  I don't know how to use it.  I don't know how to put gas in it.  I don't have the knack for pull-starting anything & even if I did, the break itself is more than a little bit over my head, even if I were up a ladder which I would never do with a chainsaw having never used one before.

A likes to watch Americas Funniest Home Videos (& I like to watch him watching AFHV or AFV as they call themselves).  Invariably, somewhere in an episode there will be a group of boys/men doing something typical of boys/men & I will say "you just never see a group of girls doing that".

Things you never see a group of girls doing specifically include those activities in which one person or more will get thunked in the nads.  & no, I don't mean those box-o-charm videos of parents encouraging their children to punch Mickey Mouse down there, tee-hee-hee, I mean that kid teetering on a skateboard down a metal handrail until the rider loses balance & lands with legs splayed OR that other one jumping from the roof to the trampoline & right back up again OR that group of boys all standing on one end of a half broken tree limb, jumping on it to get it really rocking until CRACK.

All I am saying is a could have use a few of those boys this morning.

//sidebar: seriously what is the appeal of watching your little darling punch someone in the genitals?  I have LOST TRACK of how much of this I have observed while passing thru while A watches tv.  & once-upon-a-time when I worked in a large costume myself this was an almost daily occurrence.  If you know one of those fathers (in my experience it is usually but not always the father who finds this oh-so-hilarious), let me give you a few somethings to chew on:  chances are EXCELLENT it is actually a  woman in that male-character costume.  In fact pretty much the only take-your-picture-with-me costume character still dominated by men is Santa.  Second, what kind of idiot would you have to be to provoke an attack on a person who knows what you look like may very well have access to your credit card number & about whom you know nothing. 

Revenge of the costumed can take many forms, not all of them within the confines of the theme restaurant (although I will caution, if you are going to do this make sure you eat nothing that comes to your table afterwards; the kitchen staff live to watch you feast upon the...uhmmm...extra flavoring).  I would think it was a no-brainer, as you never see Chuck E. Cheese in the grocery store or the Easter Bunny getting a mani/pedi or the other school's mascot riding the bus, but somehow these deep thinkers never realize that the math tutor, librarian, plumber's assistant (all full-time jobs held by part-time costume-wearers I have known...or been) they are asking to help them pass that class, unstop that drain, etc. just might have reason to harbor a grudge. 

The New & Improved Very Large Array

You remember the hullabaloo (or maybe you don't) between The Colbert Nation & NASA. The gist is NASA had a contest to name....something. I think it might have been a room on the space station.  Whatever it was, NASA had suggestions & the rest of us were supposed to choose fom among them.  & then Stephen Colbert started campaigning that the room (I looked it up, it was a room) be named for him.  & the rest is history.  Or not, actually.  Apparently NASA reserves the right to override any winning suggestions & may or may not have exercised it.  I don't know.  Google it your damn self.   Alright, I did google it.  NASA conceded & named a treadmill after Stephen Colbert instead.  

Well, forget NASA, this time it is the NRAO renaming their Very Large Array.  First let me say how much I already like NRAO's naming style over NASA's.  Apparently the COLBERT treadmill is really the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance treadmill.  This refusal to choose the voted on name because it doesn't fit their vision & then backwards engineering the choosen name so the letters first letters of the elobarota NASA-name spell it tells us all a little something about NASA.  On the other hand we have the NRAO, who apparently took a look at a very large array & said "Let's call it the Very Large Array".

& the Very Large Array it remained, so-named in the movie Contact & right up through Terminator Salvation although they called it SkyNet.   It was the backdrop for way-too-many music videos, documentaries, comic books & on & on. 

The Very Large Array is located in New Mexico, more or less out on it's own.  It is in a county with a population somewhat less than 20K people; 6 towns, villages & localities; 11 ghost towns & 49 listings on the National Register of Historic Places-10 of which have restricted addresses; in other words yes they are historic but the public cannot know exactly where they are.  Before you start thinking Roswell (actually in another, non-adjacent county),  I checked, they are all archeological digs & I know from talking with people in the biz there is quite a black market for artifacts from same.  Or maybe that is just the cover story.

So there it is, the Very Large Array, getting all upgraded & shiny & new.  & here is your chance to name it.  Unlike NASA they are offering no suggestions, except that they just might keep the Very Large Array & add a prefix.  As in The New & Improved Very Large Array.

Goodbye old kitchen

The kitchen in my house is mostly original; the house was built in 1977.  The cabinets, the soffits (& the wallpaper!) are certainly original.  The dishwasher was new in '99, all the other appliances are older than that, but probably not pushing 50 (maybe 35).

This means that around the same time someone first walked into my kitchen, the Sex Pistols had just released their first album with one of my favorite songs, actually, while Fleetwood Mac released their most important album & another song I really do like; Jimmy Carter took office & pardoned draft dodgers; Anwar Sadat went to Israel & started talking peace with Menachem Begin; at the movies Tony Monero danced his way into the night, while in a galaxy far, far away... well you all know what happened there; & finally back here on earth Fonzie jumped the shark.  In short, this kitchen has been overdue for a while.  Half the people who eat (& cook) here on a regular basis were not born when this kitchen was installed & they can all vote & purchase alcohol, legally even; some of them have children of their own & some of those kids are in school.  OKay, pre-school.

So it is goodbye old kitchen.  Goodbye fan/peacock/whatever that pattern is supposed to be wall paper.  Goodbye wagon wheel detailing, you were handy for sorting the dry cleaning.  Goodbye refrigerator whose door never did open all the way because of that weird pantry shelf.  & goodbye weird pantry shelf; I'm still not sure what you were supposed to be anyway.  Goodbye breakfast bar, you were maybe a good idea but never really worked for us.  & goodbye to your buddy, the over-head cabinets with doors on both sides of the bar, it was fun pushing things all the way thru & out the other side; that's when we stopped stocking up on canned goods...

Goodbye, kitchen.  We'll always have that Thanksgiving I broke my leg walking out the front door.

*sigh*

Seriously, what is the deal on those wagon wheels?  Was this ever fashionable, even in 1977?

How we ended up at Sears

I was watching House Hunters the other day, which for the record I would not ordinarily do.  I wanted to watch Ice Loves Coco but the batteries in the tv remote need to be replaced & sometimes they take you to the closest channel to the channel you entered less one digit & then won't do anything for a few minutes while they regroup or something. 

So I was watching House Hunters & all this first time buyer (yea, it might have been My First Place, sue me) wanted was a space big enough for a pool table she did not yet own.  Every property she viewed, she measured to make sure there was a room for her pool table to-be; 15' if I recall but mostly I really wanted to see how Coco's sister's baby shower was going & I was pissed at myself because I do not know how to change the channel on my own tv without the remote & if I had kids I would have tv-grounded them for sure at least once & taken the remote away & now they could help me change the channel so I could watch the drag queen dance with his mariachi band at Coco's sister's baby shower, so don't start measuring your house thinking 15' is enough for a pool table because I might be wrong about that.

Okay, so she walks into every house & she measures.  The real estate agent acts like this is a huge inconvenience, rolls her eyes, the whole deal & then....& then the agent actually shows a house without space for a pool table completely wasting everyone's time!  All I could think was how much it would chap my ass (yes, that's how I think) that someone who is making THOUSANDS in commission to show me houses mocks my requirements  TO MY FACE & cannot even be bothered to make sure the properties we visit meet that requirement, that one requirement. 

I have no idea what happened next because the batteries started working again & it turns out the Ice Loves Coco that was on while I was stuck was last week's & I did not miss a single minute of the baby shower & let me tell you drag queen doing what look like high school cheers while a mariachi band takes a break by the pool cannot be beat. 

I told you that story to tell you this one:  while we were shopping for appliances for the new kitchen (yay NEW KITCHEN!) every single solitary sales person tried to convince me what I really wanted was a range hood with a microwave.  They stood next to my 5'+ self, opened a microwave door that was level with my eyebrows & told me that while I might not find it convenient, what with not being able to see in the microwave & also having to stretch to push the damn buttons, etc. it would help the resale value of my house.  They would not shut up about things I didn't want & things I couldn't use.  I was so bummed.  Where oh where would I find a sales person who was not motivated by his commission, who would barely even make eye contact because he was busy texting, where oh where could this paragon be?  Well, let me tell you, he's at Sears.  If you want the specs on any of the appliances, he can show you how to find them on the website & other than that he stays completely out of your hair.  Who knew there was a place for inertia in the marketplace?  Sears did...does....always has done.

I have a friend who wanted a particular baby stroller (the baby is in high school now).  She went to Sears, because they were the only ones who had it & looked for a sales person.  She found the floor model & looked for a sales person.  She found the shelf they were on & looked for a salesperson.  She climbed the shelf & pushed the box off.  Giving up on the sales person, she put the stroller together, put the baby in it & went to the check out where she had trouble convincing them she did not come in with same stroller.  Really.

That's it, we got a fridge, dishwasher & range from Sears.  The hood we are getting elsewhere because finding a quiet one that does not have a  microwave oven cannot be done, even in the leave-me-alone paradise that is the Sears sales floor.  To their credit though, when I said that was what I wanted, the salesman said "we don't have that" & went back to texting. 

Saint Zvlkx

If you have never heard of Saint Zvlkx you need to run don't walk to your local library & get acquainted with Thursday Next.   By the time you get to the fifth book, you will have heard of Saint Zvlkx in passing, mostly in reference to the site of his now-demolished cathedral.

On the way, you will learn about the new world religion (the Global Standard Deity).  Living as I do in a part of the country where religions that have a lot of overlap (our county has three, count them three, independent First Baptists Churches) but spend mucho energy emphasizing their differences, the idea of a religion that emphasizes the sameness of them all, well,  it is almost irresistible.  It has all gotten mixed in my mind with the older brother in Wonderfalls, the atheist studying comparative religions; a state of belief quite common in his field at least according to him.  G*d I miss Wonderfalls.

Who was/is Saint Zvlkx?  Well I don't want to spoil anything for you so all I will say is he might be a visionary, or a sham, a flim-flam or a visionary sham.  Seriously, read the books.  Also, get Wonderfalls, it's on Netflix.

How far away is Cleveland

I miss 3rd Rock From The Sun.  Until The Big Bang Theory, there was just nothing on tv that even came close to what it was like to live with a physicist (no, he is not from another planet but he is from another culture; I often think his life would be easier if his accent was more pronounced).   & while I love every single episode, my favorite (today) is the pilot & the whole conversation about how far away is Cleveland (Cleveland is a felonious assault way).

The gist is what is the distance between pint A & point B.  Point A is an unfixed point representing where I am now, Point B is my new kitchen:

My new kitchen is 6 to 10 weeks away
My new kitchen is 14 to 20 quarts of yogurt away
My new kitchen is Naguib Mahfouz's Palace Walk away
My new kitchen is...

Did I mention we are remodeling the kitchen?

It's okay to be Takei

Maybe you know (maybe you don't) but June is National Gay & Lesbian Pride Month.  & completely without irony it is also the traditional month for getting married.  & National Candy Month. & National Dairy Month.  As you also may know (& again, maybe you don't) late last month Tennessee passed a law (A LAW) making any discussion regarding homosexuality off limits for elementary & middle school students. 

More than one person has asked "should they really have that conversation with students that young, anyhow"? But this ruling does more than clamp down on a health & sex education class that was not taking place.  This means when homosexuality comes up in the course of a student's life, & since currently almost 15k foster children nationwide are in gay homes & not less than 300K children- again nationwide- have a gay parent, chances are good it IS going to be relevant even in Tennessee; it is off limits.  When it comes up in current events, say when the next politician is on the news explaining they were just friends (or my favorite how he happened to hire a guy who only advertises on a rentboy website to not help him with his luggage because of his bad back), the teacher is to ignore any story no matter how far reaching & talk about something else.  If asked what does that mean, the answer is "I am not allowed to say."

Pretending something does not exist & banning talk in the classroom is how Tenneessee traditional alters the transfer of information (think Scopes Monkey Trial). 
 
But it turns out a traveler across space & time has a solution.  This is how it goes: when you might say "gay", say "Takei" (which rhymes with gay; I had no idea-ay).  Then let whomever is policing your vocabulary infer what you mean from context clues, if they don't have their hands full with other problems in their school, say sexual predators or domestic violence or bullying or drugs.  It is so bend-over-backwards absurd that it does take some of the pressure off.  At least until the Tennessee legislature rises up & bans Star Trek in the classroom. Or until they grow up, whichever comes first.  Given that it has been almost 100 years since the Scopes Monkey Trail, I would not hold me breathe on that one.


Just for fun, I went looking for other things banned in Tennessee, just to see what's up.  In Tennessee it is illegal to possess synthetic herbs that provides the same high as pot.    You cannot produce porn in the state but you can possess it (so, careful where you point that camera; don't worry about the dirty pictures though).  & apparently it is illegal to be an illegal alien in Tennessee.  Seems a duplication of effort to me but whatever.  Tennessee did manage to lift another local ban on bringing handguns to local parks.  Also, apparently Jack Daniels had been playing fast & loose with some obscure law since the 1930s & they are trying to fix that.  Leaving us with this memorable quote:

 "Today, if a 13-year-old started making whiskey, they'd chop up his still, send him to reform school and arrest his parents," Niceley said. "That's our biggest problem today - overregulation."

On the other hand if today a teacher were to say maybe you shouldn't pick on that other student because you think he acts gay, is gay, his parents are gay, his parents might be gay, his parents are not gay but the 13 year old cooking up whiskey in his spare time cannot think of anything else to hit him with well it is not overregulation to stop that conversation, it is just good common sense...in Tennessee anyhow.

Le Grand Coeur Galoot

There is, as you may know, a lot of chatter about pitbulls:  how they are dangerous, how they make great family pets, how there no such breed as pitbull, how they are a clearly identifiable set of physical characteristics linked to aggressive behavior, how long do I need to keep this up before you get the picture. 

I am rather ambivalent on the whole thing.  I know lots of lovely pitbulls (there, I said it) & for each one I have met one whose owner got it BECAUSE he/she hoped it would be aggressive.  I think maybe it is just possible that all this profiling has made pitbulls (said it again) ATTRACTIVE to people who want to look badass.  The upshot is that the laws that are passed are challenged left & right (that's your tax money defending it people) & heartbreaking &/or unenforceable even where they are not challenged.

So I have decide to take another road, not a higher road, but certainly one less traveled.  When asked if my flat-headed, under-slung-jawed spaz is a pitbull, I react with horror.  No of course not, he is a Grand Coeur Galoot. I have even toyed with the idea of doctoring papers (from L'Académie de Chien?  The Óstlann Gadhar-dhiúité? The sky is the limit, really).  The reactions are mixed:  "Oh, he looks like a pitbull, but he's so friendly" is the most frequent,  my vet & his tech laughed out loud, & my personal favorite "what's wrong with a good old american dog?  Why do you people always get some fancy french thing?"  Actually that last one was paraphrased; I took out at least one Gawd dammmm.  

As it happens our boy did not get as big as we thought he would & when standing next to a male *ahem* pitbull of the same age he looks kind of puny.  So we have revised it:  Petit Grand Coeur Galoot.

This breed renaming thing did not start here for us: this little girl on the right (your right, my left) is not a dachshund mix (dachshunds being the biting-est breed there is, just look at that other killer in the picture,  No, not me, although I was quite the biter as a child) or even a chihuahua mix.  She is Schnitzel de Hua Hua (prounonced Vah Vah).  & my brother has a Wall-eyed Dingo...OKay, it's not his dog it's just visiting...for two years & counting.

While I didn't tell you that bit to tell you this one, it seems like as good a time as any.  You know the show The Big Bang Theory?  I L*O*V*E it.  Love it love it love it.  The first time A saw it he was irritated.  Why do people make fun of physicists, why is it OKay to make fun of physicists, there has never been a more stereotyped group than physicists.  He said this to me, his wife, an actual natural born blonde.  I pointed out all the implied dumb blonde jokes in the same episode & oh by the way, get over yourself, which to his credit he did.

My final point is to all the people wringing their hands over unfair canine stereotypes, there is a small ungenerous part of me that wants to say "tell it to a french poodle".  Yea, I know there are no laws saying poodles must be shot on sight, but when you start tracking the breeds of the dogs coming into vet clinics because some one kicked them, threw them out a window, tried to microwave them, etc. miniature poodles are winning.  Or losing.

Two small islands of islands

Do the villians in kid's cartoons still have German accents?  I confess the only current cartoon I ever stop to watch is Who-lives-in-a-pineapple-under-the-sea.  Oh, I watch plenty of cartoons; every few months I get the whole Jonny Quest series out of the library.  That Bandit, he sure is a scamp.  As for Race Bannon & Dr. Quest, well even as a kid I was OKay with that.  Anyhow, those villians still had German accents 1/2 the time & that was 20 years after the war.  Of course, most American kids from that same tv-era have a small but specific German vocabulary, what I call Hogan's Heroes German.  Mostly nouns.

But none of that matters because today is Victory Over Japan Day.  & no one celebrates it except Rhode Islanders.  Like all good obscure holidays, there is some confusion over the date.  Rhode Island observes it "the second Monday in August" which is specific enough for me.  They also observe Armistice/Veteran's Day (in November, with the rest of the US), but apparently they were feeling extra-special good (or extra special bad) about the Japanese.  I don't know why, but there it is one of only nine guaranteed holidays right there on the state's website.

I have learned that you can learn a lot about a state by what is at the top of their website.  For example, here in Florida, the first thing I noticed is their .gov site is not .gov it is .com, which I think effectively communicates that the whole state is for sale.  & it is. In the quick links at the great state of Texas you can:  register your car, renew your drivers license & get a concealed handgun license in that order.  New Jersey is a bit more versatile as the links change depending what is "In The News".  The day I looked two of the three headlines were about the lottery & why you should buy a ticket & the third (really the second as the lottery was the first & last, but you know what I mean) was "What does the Gulf Oil Spill mean for New Jersey?" probably because everyone knows that is the biggest environmental threat to New Jersey, that New Jersey did not do to herself. The only constant on the New Jersey homepage was real time traffic cameras.  Rhode Island opens with saltwater fishing licenses.

In an interesting twist, or maybe not, the state of Rhode Island has had a "relationship" with Japan longer than any other state in the US.  Even before that famous son of Newport broke the trade barrier in 1854, Rhode Islanders had been washing up in Japan; ill-treatment of shipwrecked sailors were part of Perry's negotiation.  Trade between the territory of Rhode Island & Japan had in fact been established in the 1600s, until Japan closed her doors on all but her nearest neighbors.  & like Japan, Rhode Island is a small, often overlooked piece of land.  Most Americans even think of it as that tiny square east of CT, south of MA (if they think of it at all) but Rhode Island is also a lot of small islands.  I know, its right there in the name & somehow we miss it.  Maybe this is why Rode Islanders are still so delighted with defeating the Japanese they take the day off.  Which is something to think about when you know what they DO NOT take the day off for.  Among the holidays not required by Rhode Island:  any President's Birthday, Martin Luther King Day or Rhode Island Independence Day.

What else?  Oh, this week in Japan, they will be observing Obon, the Buddhist Commemoration of the Ancestors.

Dear Mr. Iwata

Here's the thing.  You have never heard of me & I had to google to find out who you were.  It is safe to say we don't have much overlap & I think we are both fine with that.  Except recently I bought a Wii.

A few things you should know about me:  I don't have kids.  I don't like kids, much.  Actually kids are OKay I guess, it's their parents that make me want to...well enough about that.  All you need to know is I did not get the Wii for the kids, I got it for me.  Ditto the Wii Fit.  Then my husband got me a "game"  EA Active as an anniversary gift.  It is a bit lunge-heavy for my taste & I did lose my balance once already & have a really vivid bruise to show for it.  I fell down mostly because I cracked my kneecap in a freak dog walking incident several years ago &...well, never mind about that.

Sidebar here-does EA Active seem like a strange gift?  Well, he once got me a Nordic Track for our anniversary & I fell off it & hurt my shoulder then too, so apparently he is working a list of seemingly benign gifts that I can hurt myself with.  As it happens, the dog of the dog walking incident was also an anniversary gift.  I had not put that together until just now.

After EA Active turned out to be not-so-much a game, my husband got me Tetris.  He was disgusted with the really really bad navigation design.  The keys were all scrambled (push the up key to go down, seriously?), but they made me nostalgic.  I remember the very first Tetris with Red Square in the background & those oh-so-poorly translated directions.  The whole thing reminded me of my favorite NewsRadio episode when Mr. James's memoir is not such a big seller in the States but hugely popular in Japan, so he decides to have the Japanese translation translated back to English & re-release it.  After all, it worked for VCR instructions.  That was a great show.

All of this leads me to my first request:  Frogger.  We would like a Frogger for the Wii.  & by "we" I mean everyone I have mentioned this to & double for A*****. 

Next, we would like a celebrity workout game.  & by "we" I mean me.  I know there are dime-a-dozen celebrity workout videos out there, but "we" actually want something a little different.  For example, you know that hula-hoop thing in Wii Fit?  We were hoping Kirstie Alley could do that.  & for the rhythm Kung Fu, maybe James Gandolfini.  They don't all need to be as out of shape as I am, of course.  I mean WE are.  Valerie Bertinelli is looking good these days.  So is Betty White, for that matter.   I admit Hot In Cleveland has been a huge hit in my house.  Did you see last week when Betty White broke off her engagement to Carl Reiner because he wouldn't go downtown?  I'm still laughing.

Other celebrities we would like to see in this workout game: John Stewart, Stephen Colbert & what the hell Rush Limbaugh, since we have Betty White already on the list throw in Mary Tyler Moore & Cloris Leachman, I know for a fact the rehab unit at the place my in-laws live is looking into getting a Wii Fit & Dick van Dyke would make them very happy.

I hope I have given you some food for thought Mr. Iwata.  & I hope you won't look a gift demographic in the mouth.

"You Are Out"

First, let me say my Project Runway viewing has been quite spotty the last few seasons.  I am never good with programs that need to be watched in order.  I think this stems from the olden days when I traveled just-a-bit & could never figure out which time zone I was in & what channel the program I wanted to watch was on & if you do not know where you are, WHEN you are, what you are is kind of screwed when it comes to getting episodes in order.  So:  I have never seen a single episode of Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, etc.

Still somehow I usually know who is who.  Once a week/month give-or-take I get allergy shots & then I have to hang around for 45 minutes & since I am not interested in planning my Florida Wedding & I know I look like a fool fighting with the kids for the puzzles in Scholastic, I read a lot of People.  & US Weekly.  & so forth.  It turns out that really is as close as I want to get to many of these programs, even now when I do know where/when I am.

All that being said, I used to make an effort for Project Runway.  & then I stopped, no reason, really just got busy & couldn't figure out who was who & never really jumped back in.  The last thing I remember thinking was I wish that little upstart would stop saying "fierce".  Flash forward to the middle of last month when I learned there was a Project Runway game for Wii.  Well.  That was something.  Yes, they go on to say it is kind of "meh" BUT I have paid that much to get into movies that made me sick to my stomach & not in an intellectual way.  As for what they say it takes to make it good:  alcohol & friends with no personal boundaries, that I have.

The last time we Wiied, A***** & A (he really is a good sport) boxed while me & M****** worked our way through a family size bottle of Pinot Grigio.  After several close rounds, A***** won, A said he was robbed (good sport, not great sport) & A***** went out & bought her own Wii.

Yesterday, my poor husband had to be in Tampa (we will make him play next time), so it was just us three.  & the dog, all of the dogs, of course but there is the one...  Have I told the story of Farley-Boy during Wii?  He gets very excited & would run around barking except he is quite elderly so he stands there shifting from foot to foot barking & if you get close enough, he bites you in the tush.  It adds an unexpected element to Wii tennis  Also, now when I invite people over to Wii, I have to ask if they have had their shots.

Last night, we popped the champagne (it was left over from C*****'s 21st b.day toast) & opened the door to my new addiction: Project Runway for Wii.  Everything the Fug Girls said is absolutely true.  But they left out how much fun being complete fools with a high tech version of paper dolls can be, because it was too much fun.  & not just because of the champagne.  A got home in time to take some very incriminating pictures & A***** took the disc home for the rest of the week to work on her skills.

What would Leonard do?

I was cruising one of my favorite blogs a few months ago & came across a WW?D that never entered my head:  What Would Spock Do?  Well, what would he do?  Setting aside Spock is in fact a fictional character.. & then I had trouble setting that aside because Spock is not just fictional, he is a complete stick.

So today, on his birthday (& mine, go me!) I am asking that almost as silly question:  What Would Leonard Do?

I know a lot & next to nothing about Leonard Nimoy, all at the same time.  First of all he is several million years old.  Or not.  I listen every year on NPR when he hosts music of the High Holidays, although they might just be rerunning the same show, I cannot be sure.  I googled  ["Leonard Nimoy" NPR] to find a link to that annual program & got a whole lot more than I was expecting.

I guess I do not know what Leonard would do.  Whatever he wants too, without damaging the time space continuum, of course.  Or maybe he has & this is an alternate Nimoy, getting all this random stuff on the record. No wait, that's Rimmer à la Red Dwarf.


//it was hard to know how to tag this.  TV of course, but what about music?  Can you call what Leonard Nimoy sings music, exactly?  Does orchestra narration count?  Movies is a tag-option, but then again when I think Nimoy I do no immediately think of the Star Trek movies (& cannot name a single one he has directed, although he has).  Besides his best movie is Galaxy Quest, which he is not even in, except as played by Alan Rickman.

View it in a room

Some one told me, "you have too many blogs in your blog rolls".  Hmmm.  Really?  Can B actresses watch too many movies?  Does anyone trust a skinny cook?

So in lieu of writing an actual post I thought I would take you on an occasional tour of some of my favorites.  First stop:  Regretsy.  If you do not know what Etsy is, well I am not sure where you go to buy all that handmade stuff they won't let people sell on eBay but Etsy will save you all that driving.  There is good stuff there, too.  Lots of it actually, but it only takes one roadkill painting collection to tarnish the whole apple barrel. 

My favorite regretsy is, of course, Calamari Full of Grace.  I have it bookmarked so when I feel sad I can look at it.  When I am really sad, I view it in a room.  It never fails to lift my spirits.

Of course, I am more than fond of anything church-but-not-church & I was hypnotized by the PBS program on cuttlefish.  This particular regretsy may not be for you.  That's not a problem, you will find something I promise.

Sick of Vick? Me too

Just a quick quick one:  BET started airing the Michael Vick Project earlier this month & sponsors have already started to withdraw as people contact them & voice their views.  I think I will miss Hershey's the most, but it turns out Diet Pepsi was not so hard to kick (I admit I fell off the wagon when the lunch-place we eat on Wednesdays ran out of all other caff-bevies but I got right back on-no problem).

Sackvick.net has been doing a good steady job of keeping up & so I defer to them on this.  The sponsor list is here &.  Sackvick, net has also been tracking who is dropping sponsorship of this program; I plan to write & say thanks.

Anyone on the fence, or who thinks people should just leave the man alone-he's done his time ponder this:  if he had never committed the crime, he would never have suffered the punishment (he confessed people); if he had never suffered the punishment he would not now have his own television show.

Lost: an anniversary

This is, of course, the anniversary of CleoPatton's walk-about adventure when we thought he might be lost.  When we found him, we thought he might still be as-good-as lost.  As I type this he is still sitting on lost-cause eggs.

When CleoPatton went missing, I would have lit a candle, but things-that-are lost fall into so many areas: Saint Anthony of Padua in general, but Saint Zita for keys, house keys in particular. I could not find a patron for lost birds or lost dinosaurs, although there are slews for lost innocence & lost innocents.  I have to figure that just comes up more often.  In light of the lost emu anniversary (& the final episode of Lost), I thought I would take a closer look at today's virgin & I am mostly sorry I did.  Her martyrdom (& the every  depiction of same) is particularly gruesome.  Let's just say those are not loaves of bread she is offering on that plate & leave it at that.

The highlights are: Agatha was born to a wealthy family & decided to dedicate her life to G*d, adopting among other things chastity as her lifestyle choice.  The church avoids the word abstinence in this context & with good reason.  Until very recently, abstinence did not mean what you might think it means: an individual who practices abstinence does not not have sex, he/she just limits all sexual acts to those partaken with a marital partner.  This means of course that abstinence as birth control is only effective if you are not married; if you are married it is the same thing as no birth control at all.  As for abstinence preventing the spread of disease that only works if your spouse is also abstinent. 

Back to Agatha:  she went with chastity (which is what most people mean when they say abstinence).  It does not matter if she was beautiful, she was of some rank & had some fortune.  That was enough for some men to want to marry her (abstinence still meant abstinence in those days & not everyone even pretended to abstain).  One in particular was able to do her great harm: imprisoning her, torturing her & in at least one version twice forcing her to work in a brothel when she refused him.  It is that last bit that really got my attention:  forced her to work in a brothel.  Twice.  Maybe I need to clarify.

Quintian/Quintianus/let's just call him Q removed Agatha from her family & caused her great suffering.  When she still refused him, he put her to work in the sex trade.  Then he brought her back to him & was again refused.  It's not the refusal that gets me, it's the offer.  After all this he still wanted ....her. 

Lets be realistic: if Q had the power to take her, etc. in the first place, he already had effective control over her lands/wealth/whatever.  He went on to demonstrate a more-than-complete-control over her person with completely over the top punishments.  But, while punishing, it seems they were not intended as punishments but persuaders.  She would not be persuaded, though & went on to die & be mutilated (or be mutilated & die, it's a toss up). Still I keep coming back to the lost part of this story, the obsession that is just hinted at. 

& that is all there is to the story really.  Agatha is unsurprisingly invoked by rape victims.  As a function of the not-loaves-of-bread, she is also patroness of breast cancer victims.  More generally from both:  torture victims & wet-nurses & then another cycle out: nurses & lay-women & all breast health.   More obscurely still: bell-founders & jewelers. 

//as for the tv show, would you believe I have never scene so much as a minute of any episode?  Any references would be lost on me.

When bedbugs bite

A month or two before I was due to visit Northern Climes, my hometown-ish newspaper made national headlines.  At least, I thought they had.  The short version is the watchdog reporter for the Hartford Courant was reported negatively (dare I say watchdoggedly) on one of the Courant's few remaining advertisers.  & then he was fired.

I do not remember where I first heard about it, it really was almost certainly the radio, but you can find the story to read here.  I followed the whole thing, to the degree there was something to follow & rather figured that those who still subscribe to the Hartford Courant did, too.

I figured wrong.  Not one person that I talked with on my return to Hartford County had any idea what had happened.  Even stranger, they had all noticed the absence of the watchdog reporter but thought his was one of several job cuts made over the past few month for budget reasons.  I know many newly former readers of the Hartford Courant have been disgusted with the combining of the paper & a local tv station (as I typed that last sentence, I pulled up the link to the station & indeed the headline story & photo were exactly the same).  After all, why buy a newspaper when they will plonk the exact same story on your television, no charge?  On a network you could not pay some people to watch?

So bed bugs bit a consumer.  & then they bit a reported.  & several months later, they are just starting to bite the media operation that fired him.