Friday, April 23, 2010

George, slayer of dragons

We have arrived to that most esteemed personage George, patron saint of England & other places, too, & other afflictions (if you think being English is an affliction) & other things besides (more on that later).

The calendar is very clear, George was certainly a man who truly lived & died, doing G*d's work, but this whole dragon stuff is patent nonsense. How credulous people are, believing in something so completely implausible as a dragon. & as for that business of saving the king's daughter, that belongs in a Once Upon A Time story. & converting Libya! Converting Libya to what, I ask you.

Let me tell you what it really takes to get tapped for sainthood:
-It helps if you are born poor.  Or rich.   Or both.

-You should also try to live somewhere no one else does.  Or where everyone else does.  "Urban Hermit" is what you want to aim for.  Allowances could even be made for "Suburban Hermit".

-Be mythical.  This is a tough one, but if JFK can do it, why can't you?  JFK isn't a saint?  When did that happen?  What about Abraham Lincoln?  George Washington?  Not even Catholic?  Thomas Jefferson -- not even christian? Well, I am appalled.  How did this country ever happen without a saint?

Enough of that, let's get back to Saint George.  After we take away all that silliness about dragons & maidens & Libya we get....a guy.  In Palestine, probably.  Before Constantine, maybe.  & he was tortured & beheaded.  The rest of the details are fuzzy.  Fortunately, the crusaders were almost sure about the Palestine thing & they were able to surmise he was martyred by his fellow Palestinians.  & why would they do this horrible thing, well, because he was christian (why else).  That was all they needed really, to adopt George as their own, making him the patron saint of knights, crusaders, archers, & horsemen.  In a move I refuse to believe is a coincidence, he is also invoked against herpes, syphilis & leprosy.  

On a lighter note, he is also the patron saint of the Boy Scouts (must be that chivalry thing, because it sure wasn't "Be Prepared" or we would not be looking at herpes & syphilis as well), the Romanian Army (he is right there in their coat of arms, communism be damned), shepherds & sheep (which seems almost a conflict of interest but maybe that's just me) & irony of ironies:  Palestine.  I wonder if they know.

1 comment:

  1. If history books had been written like your posts, I would have enjoyed history more.