Sunday, September 8, 2013

People I have stalked

I have been a bit too quilts-&-dog centric in my blogging lately, so I thought I would clear the decks with another one of my lists.  I make lists & collect them, run them over while I get my teeth cleaned...  One of my oldest yet shortest lists is women who made their ex-husbands' last names famous (Susan Sarandon, Dorothy Parker...there are others I just cannot think of them right now).  Last night when I couldn't sleep I tried to remember everyone I have ever stalked.

A few years ago, my mom & I attended a Writing the Region conference/workshop & there I discovered Rita Ciresi. She was actually teaching a workshop that I had not signed up for but I was so dazzled by her dinner conversation that I followed her into the ladies room (& would have gone into the stall) to ask her if I could switch from the workshop I was signed up for to hers. She so completely did not care, she started to crouch to pee while answering me "yeah, sure" when it became clear I was not leaving without an answer. I have been in love ever since.

I do not know what made me pick up the book That Dorky Homemade Look; I am not much for essays about things I do (except gardening or cooking & there damn well better be specific instruction for a specific task somewhere in the essay).  I also do not understand books about music or books about sports. But anyway, maybe it was the word "dorky". I like "dorky". I like "dorky" as much as I hate "tunes". You are not "playing tunes", you are listening to electronically captured reproductions of someone else's work--get over yourself.   Anyway, I bought the book & later the sequel, I paid full price (people who know me are gasping) & was happy to do it.  I have been cyber-stalking Lisa Boyer ever since. I would like to stalk her in person but she lives in Hawai'i & neither one of us likes to fly.  I have been to Hawai'i but I don't think I was on her island.  Now that I think about it, a real stalker would know that wouldn't she?

I have been loosely stalking Van Halen for more than three decades. Once or twice a year I will google one of them just to see what is new. I have lost or thrown away all my old Tiger Beats with David Lee Roth (yes, I am that old) & I am OKay with that. Still every so often I just gotta see them.   Luckily the internet has been invented so I do not have to actually find a concert near me.

People I have never stalked but everyone else seems to include:
  • Oprah Winfrey -I admire her, but I am just not all that interested in what anyone else has to say (funny that, hmmm);
  • Madonna - I do not get it, I never did. I am neither offended nor enchanted. I am Madonna-neutral.  On the other hand I might consider stalking Gwen Stefani if only for her responses every time some one suggests she (Madonna) says that she (Gwen Stefani) is really just a rip-off of her (Madonna);
  • Martha Stewart - while I am not Martha-neutral exactly. I am Martha-ambivalent;
  • OJ Simpson - this is not in response to media overload & it never was, I have declared myself an OJ free zone since day one. I did not watch the trial, I did not watch the white vehicle (SUV, right?) from the chopper, I do not care what he got away with.  He was found not guilty & that works for me.  If he was later found guilty of something else (he was, right?), that works for me too.  Then earlier this year I read (listened to) another one of those Modern Scholars things:  Alan Dershowitz reviewing pivotal cases of the 20th century & I found the whole OJ section fascinating.  It's a pretty good lecture series, all around. But I have no desire to write OJ in prison or anything.
  • Any Kardashian, ever - seriously, what is that about?
  • Ex-boyfriends - I googled one, once, just because. & when I found his e-mail address on the first try, I e-mailed him. We have been very distantly in touch ever since, but that is not stalking is it?  I mean, I'm not even sure how many kids he has. Although I am pretty sure he does have more than one.

1 comment:

  1. If stalking on the internet counts as stalking, it is one of my most consuming hobbies.