Sunday, July 10, 2011


Anyone who has ever spent anytime here at Useless Ranch knew it was just a (short) matter of time before I churned up the Patron Saint of Cows.  There are actually lists of patron saints of cows, including Brigid who is also patroness of chickens, which seems like a lot of work for one saint; Homobonus, better know to this blogger anyway for his oversight of shoes & well, others.  But Perpetua grabbed my fancy early in the running & yes, it was the dream sequence.

Why don't I restart a bit closer to the beginning.  Perpetua was a more or less ordinary noble hausfrau, born in the second century after the BC/AD switch got flipped who converted to christianity & was then torn to pieces by wild beasts for the amusement of the ancestors of people who watch Jersey Shore, Real Housewives, etc.  That's all there is, at first.  As with all things catholic (& Catholic), god&thedevil are in the details.  You could move on to the next cow-saint on the list.  You could ditch AD entirely & start looking at cow-goddess cults of ancient egypt.  There really are so many places to go, but staying was really the only option for me because after I read the brief little paragraph on Perpetua all I could think about was "Why cow"?  In case you did not notice, the only animals in her story are wild beasts.  I'm not saying cow cannot be dangerous, but I never heard of any bread&circus event in which martyrs were torn apart by a herd of holsteins.

So, there I was wondering how the cow came into it.  & that is when I discovered The Organic Viking, a discovery otherwise much-worth making (thank you Saint Perpetua!).  I was directed to a passage (which also happened to be further down the saint-bio page I had already skipped through, (curse you scroll bar for not jumping up & hitting me in the face).  Turns out, she WAS martyred by a cow.  Go figure. A big stomping, horns intact, don't try & milk me buster, wild bull.

I could continue with my write a quippy little piece about her, but the Organic Viking has already done it.

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