Friday, February 22, 2013

The ongoing adventures of...

I have said before I can be kind of goofy about Twitter.  I still a little bit am.  Things have changed in my life since my last posting about twitter postings (!).  Some things haven't of course.  The county emergency management twitter feed still blows.  It is worse than useless to me; if it did not exist it would be exactly useless but this business of existing but being inaccessible is just, well, so bureaucratic.  There.  I said it.  & the genius who retweets the brief useful info provided by other counties & then comments in a link...the only thing that comes to mind Well Done, Jackass.

Another thing that hasn't changed is my brother, who still sends along what he thinks might be amusing.  Lately it has been the twitter feed recounting the misadventures of Florida Man.  We have actually been following Florida Man since before he was on twitter (before we thought of him as Florida Man, actually).  It all started with the taco incident.  At least that is how I remember it.  Let me give you the highlights:  a drunk guy goes to the Taco Bell drive-thru, gets his order & falls asleep.  I did not skip anything there, he did indeed fall asleep behind the wheel of his car in the drive-thru at Taco Bell.  Don't laugh yet, though because there is more.  So much more. The employees of Taco Bell call the police because there is a guy passed out on his car in the drive-thru lane.  When the cops get there, they try to get an ID from Florida Man.  They wake him up & ask for it.  Florida Man hands them....a taco.  They ask again handing back the taco & he smiles & starts eating the taco.  Who knows how long this might have gone on if his car hadn't caught fire.  Turns out that while he was napping, his car was in park (or neutral, I suppose), but his foot was on the accelerator.  All that fuel, no place to go & the engine caught fire. 

Sadly, the taco part I get.  I have a really big purse & sometimes I have had to hand people a few things before I can find what I want.  Things I have handed to cops:  tampons (he took it well), 100 $1 bills still in the wrapper (I wasn't trying to bribe him & thank god he realized that) & a collection of small flashlight/keychains (yes, mom, just like the ones I bought you).  These were different cops, at least it was different times.  I suppose it could be the same cop.  Having never gotten a citation (only one of them even involved a moving violation, the others know what never mind, it's too stoopid.  Suffice to say they had nothing to do with me really, wrong place/wrong time & the police were just taking names), I cannot say for sure the distraction didn't help.  My brother, the other brother, used to throw on a goofy smile when his driver license photos were taken, much to the chagrin of the DMV photographer-that rule about not letting you retake a picture because it makes you look like a serial killer cuts both ways.

Back to Florida Man.  Every day really is a new adventure.  Earlier this week Florida Man was arrested after he posted pictures of himself & his children harassing a manatee cub.  Just for fun I looked to see what New Hampshire Man was doing-turns out he was being reunited with his dog after ten years.  Way to go New Hampshire Man!  Connecticut Man shot a masked burglar that turned out to be his own son, but it happened months ago.  Connecticut Man has been laying low since it would seem.  I had high hopes for Texas Man, but mostly he seems to be on death row.  Or going to death row. Or being acquitted.  Texas Man plays a much higher stakes game than Florida Man.  California Man is all over the map.  Today he is both trying to sell an estate to someone who cannot move into it until California Man diesjust died from a gunshot wound, 36 years after the shooting.   & just to be fair & balanced & cover the whole family:  Arizona Man died in a small plane crash yesterday but not in Arizona.  He was in Mississippi.  Mississippi Man was busy pleading guilty to shooting an eagle.  Still no contest:  Florida Man takes the taco.  Molesting a baby manatee wasn't enough for you, you had to go & steal a BMW didn't have a cell phone to couldn't call for a ride.  The flip side of this of course is that Florida Man left his BMW running, keys in the ignition, unlocked while he shopped at a CITGO. 

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